A Commitment

Cathy Beesey Founder: Stories Connecting Us

“Young people are always on their phone.” “Young people don’t know how to communicate.” “Young people think they know everything.” “Young people don’t read anymore.” “Blah.” “Blah.” “Blah.”

Not again, my head falls into my hands, a growl like a wombat emerges. This is of course happening in my head and heart. What do I say? How do I not scream? How do I respond with dignity? I try different approaches because I cannot ignore. I try with, “I know young people who are excellent communicators.” “The research tells us they aren’t.” “But should we generalise.” “It’s not generalising it’s using the research.” This time a curdling scream that could be heard five kilometres away if it wasn’t confined to my thoughts. A deep breath. What now? I am silent.

Another time, “Young people think they know everything.” My head falls into my hands, a growl like a wombat emerges, of course happening in my head and heart. Tentatively, “Didn’t you think you knew everything when you were young?” In silence I remember passion for my work: I was driven, energised, would speak with confidence, others may have thought arrogance, annoyance. I had my share of criticisms, without thinking too hard I can think of six. How many can you think of? Did these make a positive difference? No. I learnt from those that took the time to talk with me, gently challenge, want to understand my point of view, to show there are other ways to think, behave, to be. This is as I wove my way through my early career.

And so, I make a commitment to my grown up granddaughters Kelsey twenty-six and Tahlia twenty-four: I will not be silent, I will challenge this bias, I will confront generalisations to stop them taking hold of a conversation and explore these outrageous statements about the young in our society.

Anecdote: At our home Kelsey and Tahlia don’t use their phones as we sit at our dining table sharing delicious food, a bottle of champagne, stories, hopes and fears. We have never said they can’t be on their phones. One day Kelsey explained, “Mum we don’t use our phones when we are here with Pa and Cathy. That’s just how it is.” But of course they do on occasion: responding to a work request, actioning it if it is urgent, knowing when it isn’t and sometimes searching information on a topic we are discussing.

Kelsey, our eldest granddaughter has, is weaving her way through a career with Illumina: sequencing technologies that drive advances in life science. I could not be more proud as I see glimpses of myself in her at this age. Her strengths, creativity, wanting to be the best she can be. And Tahlia gently, strategically and with integrity weaving her way through different roles and organisations: learning, growing and sharing her life with us. I am in awe of her.

What to do next time? There will be a next time. I might say, “Are you describing all young people?” Let’s see how this goes. I’m not there yet and never will be but I am committed to my granddaughters and those other wonderful young people in my life finding their way through our imperfect world to treat them with dignity, respect, not be quick to judge and notice my bias as I notice others.

I share more thoughts on ageism in my column for University of the Third Age – U3A Merri-bek Newsletter.

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